5 Ways to Help Save Your Sanity During Divorce

1. NEAR ENOUGH, GOOD ENOUGH

Lower your standards. Choose what really matters and what you can let go of.
If you have a long “to do” list, accept that DONE really is good enough and tick it the hell off your list! Make your peace with a little bit of mess. Remember, no kid ever died from having chicken nuggets and oven fries for dinner for a whole week (PS they will think you are the Mum of the century!!!)

2. QUIET THE NOISE

Work on toning down that inner critic. That voice that is constantly comparing you, measuring you, judging you. See #1 above. Find ways to quiet the inner noise. Meditation. Nature. A book. Music. Find your way to quiet.   As an introvert, I also need QUIET in the home... and I’ve trained my kids to know this. If you’re the same, and you have kids, train them.

3. BE KIND TO YOU

Cut yourself AT LEAST the same amount of slack you’d offer your best friend if SHE / HE was going through such an upheaval. It’s OK not to know the answers just now. It’s OK not to have your shit together. Be gentle with yourself. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Drink a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

4. MINIMISE YOUR CHOICES

You are in the midst of making SO MANY HUGE decisions that sometimes, just deciding what to cook for dinner is too much. Make a plan, and stick to it. PLAN YOUR WEEK – fill out a “default diary” so you know what MUST be done each week (see also No 1) and what is optional. If you have kids, get them involved here.  Automate and outsource, wherever you can.

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If this is beyond your budget, share with a friend, especially another single parent. When you cook lasagna, cook two and swap one with a friend for something else. Share the load to minimise the number of decisions you have to make in a week.

5. CHOOSE YOUR TEAM

Choose to spend time with those you love and who care about you; those who make you smile, accept your tears, allow you to be however you need to be. If your friendship bus is full to capacity, choose new passengers with care.  Cull if you need to. Also find those professionals who can help. Massage therapists. Trainers. Counsellors. Naturopaths. Coaches. Whoever you need. Build your support team and use them regularly.


Sallyanne Hartnell