A Letter To All The Single Mother's on Mother's Day
MOTHER’S DAY AFTER DIVORCE
This letter is my gift to you, to all the single Mums, this Mother’s Day.
Celebrating Mother’s Day after divorce can feel very different.
On a practical level it can look pretty damn different too.
When you’re a single Mum, Mother’s Day is often less a “day off” & more just another day. But it’s one loaded with expectation & messaging about how things “should” look.
As a single Mum, you might not get a peaceful sleep in, especially if your kids are still quite small (if yours are teenagers, that’s a whole other story, right?). You might be lucky enough to get breakfast, but the down side to that is someone (aka you) gets to clean up the craziness left behind in the kitchen afterwards.
If there’s a gift, it’s something from school or kinder, or something you’ve organised yourself (not always a bad thing… see below) Or it might be something a gf or your ex has helped arrange.
As a single Mum, there’s no one there to pick up the slack or do all the things. Not today. Not on any other day either.
That night you stayed up until dawn with your sick child? The next day, you still had to get up at 7am to get the other two to school. If you leave the washing un-done or the lawn un-mowed for weeks, there’s no-one else to step in to help. It’s all you. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
But let’s acknowledge that it’s exhausting & it’s lonely
Mother’s Day can feel like that too. Or not.
This letter is my gift to you on Mother’s Day.
It’s a reminder.
That you’re doing an amazing job.
That your kids are growing into beautiful young humans & that is because of you. All you do & all you are for them. All you teach them. All you gift them. It’s you.
It’s also a reminder that Mother’s Day is a B-S kind of Hallmark holiday. A commercialised, sanitised version of celebration that you don’t have to opt into. Because while as a single Mum, it can feel isolating & lonely, a stark reminder of what you don’t have or is not in your world, it doesn’t have to be.
You have the power & capacity to CHOOSE what you want this day to be & mean for you & for your family.
My tips for you:
Change your expectations - don’t opt in to what you’re being told in the media you “should” get or have or want.
Break the rules (including your own). Eat ice cream for breakfast & let the kids do the same. Escape all the “happy family” stuff & go off grid. Have a popcorn, movie binge & ignore the fact that it’s Mother’s Day
Cut yourself some slack. So the house isn’t perfectly sorted, the washing isn’t folded & the kids are eating eggs on toast for dinner for the 4th day in a row? Who cares. Cut yourself some slack. Release yourself from all the shoulds. Just be. Hang with your kids. Enjoy being together.
CHOOSE your way. You have the power & capacity to choose. Choose what makes YOU happy. Choose YOUR way.
If being a single Mum has taught me (& likely you too) one thing, it’s that there is freedom & choice. Freedom to do things your own way. Mother’s Day is no exception.
You can choose… PRESENTS, GIFTS, TREATS vs NONE
Partnered friends as well as all the ads tell us what we “should” be hoping for & what we “should” be receiving. Fancy PJ’s & slippers. Spa vouchers. Flowers.
Breakfast in bed or a lunch out in a restaurant.
You may well receive gifts your kids made at school or chose with money you likely gave them. Older kids might swing a gift with their own money or maybe your ex helped the kids choose & buy something.
And if not, you get to CHOOSE. You can shift or change this focus.
Buy your own gift. Splash out on something you’ve been wanting for a while. Treat yourself to an experience or a gift that feels just right to you. Something that’s the perfect reflection of you, what you most want & need. Sure that could be a spa voucher, but equally it could be a new lawn mower or a week of meal delivery.
Or treat yourself & the kids to a fun day out. A movie you will all enjoy gifts you 2 hours of quiet time in the dark, just saying.
Reframe it & you’ll find the social media posts of others don’t bother you as much. You can appreciate that others are happy and being spoiled even if that’s not your reality & deep down it hurts a little BUT… CHOOSE to treat yourself with EXACTLY what you most want. Because you can. And because you’re independent. And because you deserve it.
Or choose no gift. Choose to donate time, energy, money to a cause close to your heart.
CELEBRATING THE SINGLE MOTHERHOOD JOURNEY
CELEBRATING NEW & DIFFERENT
As a single Mama, you might be collecting your kids from their other parent for the day, reducing their time together. Or you might not be seeing them at all. Your kids might feel a little torn (or not) if they are splitting their day to be with you.
There may also be other family members to visit - grandmothers or other Mums in their lives like new partners.
Again you get to CHOOSE what this all means for you, for your kids, for your family.
Perhaps it’s less a celebration of YOU but a celebration of all the important, powerful, loving women they have in their lives.
Being grateful for the past (the relationship with their father gifted you motherhood after all) & celebrating the amazing woman & mother you are, leading your family in a new way.
WHEN YOU’RE NOT SPENDING MOTHER’S DAY WITH YOUR KIDS
If you’re not waking up with or spending the day with your kids on Mother’s Day, what are you CHOOSING for yourself? A long lazy day doing nothing much? A hike in the mountains? A Netflix binge or a brunch with other single Mum or kid-free girlfriends.
SELF-LOVING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT & CELEBRATING HOW FAR YOU’VE COME
Do you really need the validation of others on Mother’s Day? Gorgeous woman, you don’t need or want it any other day. Let today be one of deep gratitude for your journey as a mother. A day of self-loving acknowledgement of YOU. A celebration of how far you’ve come.
Recognising & acknowledging all you’re doing. All you’re doing RIGHT. All you’re doing YOUR WAY.
A quiet “Look at you… you’ve come a long way, baby.”
Knowing that where you are today is where you are today. It may not be where you thought you’d be. It may not look like you hoped it would. And it’s not where you will be forever.
It’s checking the rear view mirror, acknowledging how far you’ve come, all you’ve achieved (you’ve only got to look into your kids gorgeous faces to remind yourself of that). All you’ve been through & all the good that is yet to come.
Mother’s Day, just like motherhood done YOUR way.
That is the best gift a single Mama can have.
Doing it HER OWN WAY.
Doing it YOUR way.
Happy Mother’s Day single Mama.
You’re doing an amazing job.
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